Should have known better
by claudia1
Summary: Giles reecives a letter, but who is it from
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimers: the characters belong to someone else.  
  
Giles sat at the table in the magic shop. In front of him wads a cup of tea and an unopened letter. The letter had come in the first post. Buffy, Willow and Anya were seated around the table waiting for him top open the letter.  
  
"Well open it then," said Anya  
Giles opened the letter and scanned the pages to see who would have possibly sent it to him.   
  
"Its from Xander," said Giles in a shocked tone of voice  
  
"Why would Xander send you a letter," asked Buffy  
  
"I have no idea," said Giles  
  
"Well read it then," said Anya impatiently.  
  
Giles began to read the letter.  
  
Giles,  
  
Why am I writing a letter to you? Why not? Its not like I can talk to Buffy, Willow or Anya. You are the only one I can talk to. As I sit writing this letter I have a bottle of Jack Daniel's in front of me. It was full when I started this letter and now it is half-empty. Alcohol it's the only thing that numbs the pain these days. Tragic isn't it. It has taken me half a bottle of Jack Daniel's to put pen to paper. I'm Alexander Harris, I am the scobby gangs punchbag, the lap dog, and I'm the one that's always used a last resort. It's no use trying to deny it Giles. I'm not wanted around the gang anymore. Me, no longer part of the scobby gang, no longer part of your little slayer circle. You know what G-man; I don't really car anymore. I mean what's the big deal about a vampire slayer, a Wicca and an ex-demon. I've been there and bought the T-shirt, a very long time ago. Though even I have to admit the whole ex-demon was new for even me.  
  
Despite what you all may think of me, my life does not revolve around the scobby gang. It would be pathetic if I didn't have a life outside of the whole slayer thing. Giles, I'm not exactly a great letter writer and it doesn't help that I'm drunk. If I were sober I would never write this letter. So, I guess I should answer my pervious question, why write to you. I have some things that you need to know. Well you don't really need to know I just need to get some things of my chest. Buffy the vampire slayer, kinda sounds like a television show don't it. Buffy is forever bitching about her duties as the chosen one. So what, its about time she woke up to what the fates have given her. Being the slayer may suck, but no one said it would be easy. When Buffy told us who she was, I thought what's the big deal. A vampire slayer in Sunnydale, she's not the first one and she won't be the last. There will be many more slayers that come to Sunnydale long after she's dead. It would seem that slayers have been attracted to Sunnydale like bees around a honey pot. Willow the budding witch. She'll be a really powerful witch someday. What she has to learn is that with great power come many disappointments. I guess I should also mention the responsibilities that come with all that power. Willow will learn this as the years pass. As for you G-man, you are a man that I understand the most. An ex-watcher who gave up a great deal for slayer. I bet she doesn't even realise how much you gave up for her. There is so much more to being a watcher than just looking after the chosen one.  
  
God, you can tell I'm writing this while I'm drunk. What the hell, I may as well just let everything out. There is no point in hiding anymore. Xander, I hate being called that. What can you do about it though? One kid in calls you Xander in school and that's it, everyone assumes you like to be called it. Well I don't. I prefer Alex. It is what my friends call me. Hey, you didn't know that did ya, Yeah Alex has a different life. Russell tells me that I can't hide what I am. What the hell would he know? He faked his own death to escape from his past and his friends. He is right though; you can never hide what you are. As Xander Harris I was a member of the scobby gang. A guy who could never stick to any job for to long. As Xander Harris I lived in the basement of my parents home. You guys never really met my parents did you? Well be thankful you never had the pleasure. Mr and Mrs Harris are not my real parents. That may explain treat me like crap. Hell, there nothing bit kids. God, I should have got more than one bottle of Jack Daniel's. With what I really am I can never stay drunk. To do that I'd have to keep on drinking. As for the real me. It is Alex. Just plain Alex. I haven't had a surname for many years now. N, Alex, that's who I am. One of theses days I'll tell you the whole truth. Hell I'm not going to. It involves far too much. My past is something I only discuss with those I can trust. Trust is soemthing you earn and the scobby gang lost my trust a long time ago.   
  
So while I'm still drunk I should tell you that I've left Sunnydale. I haven't been in Sunnydale for a week now and I bet none of you have even noticed I've gone. I guess the drinking must have numbed me. I could actually slash my wrists and it wouldn't matter one bit. I'd still wake up the next morning. I'm still thinking about all the mistakes I have made in life. I'm starting to feel regret for my life as Xander Harris. I don't regret those short years. I met and lost some great friends. As Alexander I am constantly on the run. Always looking behind my back for the hunters. The hunters were getting to close too far to close to me while I was Xander Harris. I had eight years a Xander Harris, eight years for which I've had more lows then I've had highs.   
  
Giles I'm sorry that I never acme to say goodbye. I'm sorry that I couldn't come and tell you who I was, but I couldn't bring myself to. When you see the others, oh it doesn't matter. If they haven't missed me then there's really no point. God when I'm sober I'm seriously going to regret writing this letter. At this moment in time I just don't care. I'm far to old to care what people think of me any more.  
  
Alex  
  
Giles put the letter on the table and sat there in stunned silence.  
  
"Who could we have not realised he left Sunnydale," asked Willow.  
  
"Well I would have thought that it was obvious," said Giles pausing for breath.   
  
Before he could speak up again Anya interrupted him.  
  
"You all ignored him and brushed him aside. So what did you really expect from him. Did you really think Xander would come running back for more," said Anya.  
  
"I never knew," said Buffy, trying to control her temper.  
  
"Everyone knew how Xander felt. WE just didn't look hard enough for the truth," snapped Anya.  
  
The silence in the room was the answer to her question.  



	2. Just to let you know

Disclaimers. The characters are not mine  
  
Giles  
  
Where do I start? I guess I'll tell you what has happened since I last wrote to you. Yeah I know three months have passed but I was never much of a letter writer and I have been busy lately. How have things been going with you Giles, well I hope? So was I right, the others not noticing that I have left Sunnydale. I'm writing this letter without the aid of alcohol this time. I haven't touched a drop of the stuff for a couple of months now. So, how have things been going for me, everything's been going very well.   
  
Leaving Sunnydale was the best decision I ever made. I wasn't that much of a help for you or the scobby gang. Buffy had her whole slaying thing going, Tara and willow are witches. Anya has the whole demon thing going on. As for me, well when I was with you lot, I was just plain Xander Harris. I was hiding who I really was. When you and the others looked at me you saw a third wheel. A piece of dead wood. Well now I've left Sunnydale, I am no longer hiding who I am. I came to LA and I opened up a shop. It's called the magic box. Its exactly like the magic box you own, but it three times the size. The shop also has a specialised library with a lot of rare and ancient books. The library would keep you occupied for years. The shop has to cater a bigger population. Your most probably what do I know about running a magic shop. Practice Giles. In my younger days I used to run a magic shop that was before the earthquakes of 1876 destroyed everything. Before you start thinking I made a mistake about the year I haven't. The date isn't so important any more. I've occasionally thought about getting in touch with cordy, but the past should be left in the past. As you may have figured out I am a lot older than n21, hell I wish I was 21 again. The things I could get away with.  
  
Why choose to run a magic shop. It fits in perfectly with what I am and what I do. You see when I lived on the hellmouth I had to hide who I was. Now I no longer live on a hellmouth, I no longer hide behind a lie. I'm a Warlock. Oh don't worry I'm one of the few good warlocks around. I'm more powerful than Tara or willow will ever be. How powerful am I. If I wanted to destroy every vampire there was I could do it without even raising a sweat. If I did that though it would upset the balance of things. Buffy would be out of a job, if I did that. Your most probably trying to figure out how old I am. Well all I'll say is one thing. Have you ever heard about Merlin the legend? The wizard from King Arthur's court. If you ever come across a picture of Merlin take a real good look, that's when you'll notice how much he looks like me. I guess I could be more direct and tell you about the whole Merlin thing, but I leave you to find out the rest.   
  
I haven't been in touch with Angel or the others yet, but I have been very tempted. Wesley the ex-watcher knows who I am. We know each other from back in the old days. You were so quick to judge Wesley and dismiss him. You never really got to know him, if you took the time to get to know him you would really like him.  
  
I had better sign of now, I have to open the store in a few minutes. I'll write again soon.  
  
Alex.  



End file.
